The determination to get married is perhaps the single most important decision a person can make in their lifetime. The who, what, where, and how of the proposal are usually highly personal choices unless you come from a culture where arranged marriages are still practiced or where social mores and protocols need to be observed. That said, the act of proposing has in many ways become an Olympic-like sport, with the combatants vying to be the most clever or outrageous. My personal favorite was a friend of a friend, Bill Gottlieb, who proposed to his then-girlfriend Emily Mindel via the NY Times crossword puzzle using a series of clues that culminated in 56 across: Will You Marry Me.
While clearly unique and very impressive, Bill’s epic proposal is probably not the norm in terms of how most Americans experience “popping the question”. So we asked 3,001 U.S. adults about their proposal experiences and opinions in a recent omnibus survey.
Over two-thirds (69%) of U.S. adults have been involved in a wedding proposal, and the vast majority (94%) of those proposals ended with a successful engagement (whew!). Almost three-quarters (73%) of proposal participants report that “the big question” was asked while alone in a private setting (at home, in a hotel room, in a garden, etc.). Far fewer (17%) have been involved in a public proposal (at a restaurant, sporting event, etc.) surrounded by strangers, or in a controlled setting surrounded by friends/family (15%).
Although private-setting proposals are the most common choice across generations, their popularity is fading with the times (83% among the Silent/Greatest Generations, 79% among Baby Boomers, 72% among Gen X’ers, and 63% among Millennials). Perhaps this shouldn’t be too surprising, given how much Millennials are accustomed to living their lives out loud for everyone to see, through social media. In fact, nearly one-quarter (24%) of Millennials who have been involved in a wedding proposal say it was done in a public setting.
But as public proposals become more and more popular, what happens to the romance often associated with the wedding proposal? To investigate, let’s start with the fact that more than three-quarters (78%) feel that their marriage proposal experience was romantic, overall. Not bad! (As a side-note, 85% of men felt the proposal was romantic, compared to 72% of women.)
But how does this break-down by the setting in which the wedding proposal took place? I was personally very surprised to see that those who experienced public proposals (90%) and proposals in a controlled setting surrounded by friends/family (90%) were more likely to deem their proposals romantic, versus those whose proposals took place in private settings (74%). In fact, if we look at percentages for those who say the proposal was “very romantic”, the difference is even stronger (53% vs. 45% vs. 27%, respectively). So romance is alive and well within grand public displays of love and devotion during a wedding proposal…
But Millennials may not be as “onto something” here as it may seem. It turns out that although public proposal settings are “more romantic”, the vast majority of Americans (84%) say they would personally prefer a private proposal with just their partner, over a public proposal. Heightened romance be damned…
Do you have an epic wedding proposal story to share? Would you personally prefer a public or private proposal? Why?
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